A New Year, A New Entry

Well it's now the year 2007. Ok, it has been for a few days, I just haven't gotten around to writing anything about it. I think a recap of '06 is in order.

2006-

I turned 18, I lost a good friend, performed for the last time in a PHS musical, gave up my Drum Major uniform, gave up my cheerleading uniform, performed in community theater for the first time, fell in love, went to my cousin's wedding, graduated, went to Boston/Massechusetts, lost my first love, had my heart totally broken and destroyed, attended college, performed in my first college musical, remained depressed for 3 solid months, met some really great new friends, lost a butt-load of weight, started working out, became an Aunt x2, got my first job, quit my first job, got a new job, recieved a 3.0 grade point average (better than anything I ever did in High school) and I had one hell of a year....

2006 was a big year for me. I feel, as a person, I've grown up alot. But believe me I am still immature in a few ways. Anyways as for 2007 I have some plans:

2007-

I intend to: learn how to play acoustic guitar, flatten my stomach, choose something to give up for lent and actually stick to it, maintain my GPA (maybe even boost it), read more ( i know, what a nerd), take a roadtrip with friends, take a vacation with friends, audition for ALOT more shows/whatever, visit Ryan and Nicole alot, spend the weekend at my father's more often, and idk what else....

As far as my personal life goes it would be nice to have another boyfriend. I am just so ready to be over the past and get on with the future. I view it as a huge learning experience, also a bit of a hinderance. I find it a little harder to trust anyone but also easier to not back down. I know I often say I wish I could go back and tell Kevin to fuck off, that I don't want to be his girlfriend, but obviously I was supposed to learn from that shit. And as much as I would have loved to be with him again, I see now that obviously it just doesnt work and for whatever reason, it took this way and this time to figure that out. I know God has a much better and bigger plan for me out there...I guess I just have to figure it out on my own...in my own time.

With my 19th birthday approaching I also realize it's my last year of being a teenager. I'll be a 20-something in another year. Wow, how time just flies by. I can remember when my 10th birthday was approaching and I was excited to be "one decade" old. Well, in a year I'll be "two decades" old...wow.

Is this the path to self-discovery?

Today marks 3 months that Kevin and I have been a part. Ugh. Now that I've got that out of the way I'd also like to mention that Thursday would have been our 6 month anniversary, were we still together. So this isn't looking to be a fabulous week for me, emotionally speaking. But lately, quite unexplainably, I have been feeling a greater and great sense of self coming on. I have been reveling in my independence and my own strength at being able to cope with the heart ache. I know, everyone goes through it but, for those of you who have gone through it I'm sure you remember how it feels like this pain is all consuming and no one knows how you feel. Ah, for some reason I am feeling something greater is coming on the horizon for me. I don't know what it is, I just feel it. Happier times. Maybe it's Christmas coming, but I doubt it b/c I lost the Christmas spirit quite a few years ago. I do wonder if it is another relationship, maybe not. Perhaps an epiphany of sorts. Whatever it is I know it's coming, I feel it. Have any of you ever had a feeling you just can't explain? I have been getting into reading my horoscope alot recently. Some times they are pretty accurate. The ones on Myspace are great. They also give a lucky number and a tarot card of the day. My card was "The Fool" which means a new begining. That's what I feel has dawned. A new begining. For those of you who don't believe in horoscopes or tarot, I have to say you are missing out. It's extremely interesting. Anyways, there's my update. I'm feeling good.

~xoxoLiv

There's something to be said when you can learn a lesson from the Rutgers Football team. They have this saying "Just keep chopping wood", which means just keeping doing what it is your doing, keep the faith. Keep chopping wood and soon you will knock over the entire tree. That's nice. In a society where most people are transient to say the least, keeping faith in things is almost taboo. And it's not only faith in god I am speaking of here, it's faith in anything. Faith in the fact that an ailing parent will get better, faith that you will pass a certain course in college, or simply faith in a friend who will be there for you when you need them. Today it seems everyone is ready to just move on with their lives. Quickening the pace of our already out of control world. Sometimes it's good to just sit back and continue what u are doing and believing that all will turn out right in the end. Not saying you should sit on your butt and let everything to chance but, not getting caught up in the worry and frustration, ah that's golden.

Word of the day: fidelity

~xoxoLiv

-Thank u to Fay who further proves to me that not only are there intelligent high schoolers out there, there are also mature ones.

Warning:Major Ranting

Well, I suppose it's time for an update. I forgot what my lay out on this thing looks like. Things are going good, I guess I can't complain. Just finished Grease at CCM. That was pretty awesome. I voted for the first time. Which was a mixed bag b/c of the results of the election. But today I discovered something that pisses me off. Let me elaborate:

I'm walking through Barnes and Noble minding my own business when I see a "Countdown to when Bush is out of office." Ok, that pisses me off. You fucking Bush haters are sooo brain washed it's not even funny. Especially the younger ones. Seriously Stewart/Colbert should both be dragged over to Iraq and be thrown into a fucking Talban prision. Infact, I hope all you Bush haters go with them. Ok, hate Bush. That's cool, it's American to hate shit. But for the love of god if I hear one more of u assholes walking around going "Bush is so stupid...blah blah blah," I will flip out. Seriously, you think Kerry was any better? Here's how Kerry did at Yale:

"...The transcript shows that Kerry's freshman-year average was 71. He scored a 61 in geology, a 63 and 68 in two history classes, and a 69 in political science. His top score was a 79, in another political science course. Another of his strongest efforts, a 77, came in French class.Under Yale's grading system in effect at the time, grades between 90 and 100 equaled an A, 80-89 a B, 70-79 a C, 60 to 69 a D, and anything below that was a failing grade. In addition to Kerry's four D's in his freshman year, he received one D in his sophomore year. He did not fail any courses..."

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2005/06/07/yale_grades_portray_kerry_as_a_lackluster_student/

There's the whole story^

Ok, I am going to calm down now. But seriously, I am sick of hearing your shit. You know what, I'd like to see any of you go to Yale and do half as good as either Bush OR Kerry. You probably wouldn't last a semester. So shut the hell up. I don't go around wearing an "I hate Hillary Clinton b/c she's a psychotic bitch" t-shirt (which would be a totally awesome t-shirt.) Then go yell at anyone campaigning for them (I saw it when a bunch of fucking hippies started yelling at the people campaiging for Kean). It's just rude. In America you can vote for whoever you want. But if I'm gunna wear a "I support our President" shirt I don't want your dopey ass coming up to me saying "God, he is so stupid how can u support him?"

It's almost as bad as when I wear my Red Sox shirt and get asshole Yankee fans yelling "YANKS ARE #1!" No. They're not. Neither were the Sox, but I can support who ever I want. I'm feeling stifled in this country. It's like, don't support anything or anyone against who the mass majority likes, you'll be an outcast. Good. I'm a fucking outcast. I'm a red-head, oops, now I'm a minority. I like the Sox, but live in the metropolitan area. I'm a country music fan, but, once again, I live in the metropolitan area. I'm a Republican in  a blue state. Geeze, I guess I just can't win, can I? I'm not even going to mention I was in the marching band, I might lose friends that way. Oh and I might as well tell County I no longer wish to be a musical theater major b/c it's just not practical! (Fuck practicality, I'm going after my dreams and what I enjoy.) In the end, I guess I rather just stand up for what I believe in without hearing some loud mouth tell me their perspective and why it's better than mine. Isn't that the GREAT AMERICAN DREAM? No? It should be...

~xoxoLiv

-sorry, but it's just been festering for a long time. I can't stand how people are so quick to claim that they hate Bush when it's obvious they didn't even look into the other side. And don't give me any flack that you did. I know you didn't. Your either listening to your equally stupid parents or are just going along with the fad. I hate fads.

It's been a while. Guess it's time for an update. I got a new job working at a Daycare center in my church. I get paid $8.50 an hour which is a lot better than the shitty $7.75 an hour I made at Kohls. I get to work with kids which is fun but kinda gross. Like, I have to change diapers, and their hands get sticky, and they get runny noses and they don't cover when they cough or sneeze. I wash my hands CONSTANTLY while working there. but it's also rewarding. There's this one little boy who everyone finds to be extremely difficult to take care of. He throws temper tantrums when he has to wake up from his nap. But when I walk in the door and say "Where's my buddy Joey?" he gets right up and runs straight to me and gives me a big hug. That makes me happy. I can tame a kid that everyone else has a hard time with. That to me is extremely awesome.

At school things are going fine. And with the Musical too. Everything is normal. Now between classes I go to the gym instead of sitting in the cafe doing nothing, or just eating. I rather be working out. Something in me has changed. Tonight I went to Kohls and bought a new pair of pants and I found out I went down 2 pants sizes! That to me is amazing! I don't know how I did it but I want to continue it. I was feeling that my pants were all getting too big. When you can pull them off without unzippering them then you know you've lost weight. I'm so happy b/c I'm down in the 120's weight wise and down to a size 7 in pants. This is totally encouraging to me and I feel better about myself. I've always been on the chubby side, so to have lost all this weight I feel great and it's my goal to look amazing when summer comes back around. I think starting now I have a way better chance of looking great for next summer. I have to vow to stay away from the delicious holiday sweets though. This is the worst time of year weight wise. Seriously between halloween candy, thanksgiving dinner, and christmas cookies I'm not sure if I stand a chance. But I am going to stay away from it...I have to. I will. I promise myself. It's almost a new obession for me. But not so much that I have a problem. I know what's healthy and what's not.

~xoxoLiv